violets
with words like soft,
tender, delicate, whisper,
i’m a tiny wildflower with violet petals
peeking out from between gravel cracks
the world too fast and firm for me
when somewhere in the woods
lie a bed of similars i can’t yet seem to reach
journal entry: 29 august 2014, 8.30am
unlike so many others
i’ve never wanted summer to last
for it meant being away from you
it meant endless nothing days
but this, this transition to autumn
is where i like it now
and i wish for once that time could just stay
these are not lyrics
if you really wanted, i’d tell you all about my world today
but really, i don’t think i have much to say
i just hope that you’re doing okay
the finality of a return
tell me about how you stored your life
separated parts of them into different boxes
and put them away
shipped them across continents
so that you could receive parts of what you’d lived
when you were in a different timezone
tell me about how the shipping company called you up at work one day
a few weeks earlier than you’d expected
to inform you that the boxes were on the way
the cardboard was soft at the edges from all the handling
but everything within remained
more or less as they had been in the middle of all that packing
tell me about how it all suddenly seemed like a sign of finality
of the life, of the three and three quarter years you’d lived on a different island
halfway across the globe
my watch still ticks in that timezone
because i’m not sure if i should correct it
if that would mean the finality of all
and that i’m finally back
to never be
light moments, bright moments, fleeting moments
some of us are mountains, sometimes oceans
some others fireworks across the dark canvas of night
did all i want from you was the closeness?
did all you want from me was the words to soothe?
me repeating don’t worry, you’re okay
do i really want it all again,
or is it okay that the spark was all we will ever be.
hometown
I came across it in a dream
Even though I don’t live there anymore
It was warm and happy and green
Among the leaves and coffee
Were my new friends
We’d visit it as a trip
But like all trips this came to an end
I was awaken by something I now can’t remember
And I couldn’t get back into the dream, as I had feared
Away and away, it went
Was it me who stepped further or was it time that backwards was sent?
But my friends were still here
In the present and supposedly, near
It’s been a weird year, we all say
As we kept indoors every passing day
All these for some near distant future
Where once again, we didn’t have to fear our own areas
And planes and buses would run in sun and rain
When we could all visit my hometown again
-
i used to be afraid of heat
but one day i held onto the edges of a hot bowl
and realised that the heat
didn’t quite reach my nerves anymore
is this growing bravery or just
regular desensitisation?
i find traces, plans scribbled on pieces of paper
for you and me
things i wanted to tell
and believe that i someday will
but for now, i sit in the garden
writing in my journal like i haven’t done for weeks
eyes weary from all the nights i stayed awake
for you
